So here I am writing this sort-of-obligatory post for my 25th birthday. They say the 25th birthday is a special one, much like the 18th for the girls and the 21st for the boys; because it’s quarter of a decade. Of course there’s no assurance that I’ll live that long, heck that’s too long, to be honest; and besides, the average lifespan of humans isn’t that long nowadays anyway.

I often hear people say when asked the question, “what is the turning point in your life?”, they always bring up a certain point in their life where they had to make decisions that could eventually “make or break” them. Looking back to my earlier days, I could say that I’ve had a lot of turning points, something that could literally translate to curves in the road, which eventually lead me to where I am right now. It’s like a zigzag path of life. After all, not everyone has it easy. I wouldn’t say I’m proud of EVERY decision that I made in my life, and I have to admit, I always had regrets. It’s kind of weird when I tell someone, “when you do something, decide on something, it SHOULD make you happy afterwards”, and yet when I look back, there’s regret—the should’ve, would’ve, and could’ve’s, and in the end I wasn’t happy at all. There were times that I keep on thinking back on a particular part in my life, thinking what I should’ve done to make things better, and as the regret shows, I only wish one thing, like a line in Aqua’s song goes, “If only I could turn back time…”.

Of course, there’s no sense in pondering about the past. One could only learn from mistakes and grow from it. Looking back, I realized the only thing that kept me hanging on is hope. Call it cliche or something, but there were times when I really felt alone and miserable, and yet I find myself thinking that somehow, someday, everything will be okay. I never actually tried to do anything for myself to make things a bit better. Of course, I was naive back then. I’m not saying I already let go of that hope, it’s just that I look at things different now. When I look back, I try to assess things, where I went wrong and use that information to make a compromise with myself. Of course, with “compromise” there’s change, but you can’t really change everything about yourself, or else you’ll lose your sense of self. I’ve learned to know myself more, understand myself more, so in a way, I can give off something in exchange for something. I learned to look at things differently so I don’t always have this pessimistic approach at things. To be honest, there was a point in time that I closed up from the world. I became this super shy person and would rather be alone. I didn’t trust anyone at all. By doing all of this, I learned to open myself to people, be more outgoing. It’s a learning process, and while I can proudly say that I’ve changed somehow, I know I have still a lot to learn.